


pornhub nightwing (gay)

by havisham



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics)
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Banter, Cell Phones, Invasion of Privacy, M/M, Porn Video, Stupidity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-10-25 01:27:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20715818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/havisham/pseuds/havisham
Summary: Jason snoops on Dick's phone and finds things he cannot be that surprised to find. (But it still feels weird, man. Feels really weird.)





	1. Chapter 1

Contrary to popular belief, Jason didn’t want to steal Dick’s life and his friends and his lovers or whatever. Fuck it. Dick could keep it. Dick’s life was exhausting. Take his voicemails for example. So, yeah, Jason had stolen Dick’s phone — because he was bored and that was something he could do. If the rest of his overbearing, self righteous family insisted on bringing him into the fold, so be it. But if they tried to do that and were careless about their personal electronics around him, well, no one could blame him for what happened next.

Dick’s voicemail was filled with recent calls of people who all wanted to talk to him, all of them begging for his attention in one way or the other. It wasn’t a secure phone, there was no superhero business on it. It was just countless thirsty people, all of them wanting Dick, one way or the other …

And that was before Jason found the dick pics -- and the vids. 

He knew, intellectually, that he would find them. Dick was insanely hot, stupidly friendly guy who never said no to anyone if he could help it. He was probably bombarded with as much genitalia as he could possibly want, of every possible variety. Jason squinted at the screen. He could probably spend a week looking through the album, judging the quality of the shots. He could print them out. Make a quilt. But one thing did jump out at him — and that was that some of those dicks definitely belonged to Dick Grayson himself.

How did Jason know this? 

Well, he wasn’t trained under Batman, the world’s greatest detective, for nothing. Jason had great observation skills. And he had observed Dick’s dick plenty of times, getting in and out of showers, back when he was Robin and they were training together. It wasn’t like he made it a point to look, or anything. He just did. He was fourteen and horny. Of course he looked. He had to. It was like the law or something. Teen law. 

“Hey, Jason, have you seen my phone?” Dick said, sticking his head into the room. Jason didn’t even try to hide what he was doing — what would be the point? Dick probably knew. 

“Yeah, I stole it,” Jason said. “You know you can just get this shit online now? You’re really retro, Grayson.”

“But it means more if people send it to me,” Dick said with a wink.

“You’re a sick fuck. I’m putting some of it up on Pornhub.”

“Don’t do that. No one will believe you anyway.”

“What are you two talking about?” Tim asked them, coming up behind Dick. Dick shrugged. Jason tossed the phone back to Dick. The hell he was going to explain the bats and the birds to fucking Tim. Dick could take that loss. As for Jason? Well, he would rather die again. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick and Jason rub their 2 brain cells together.

“‘Blew my landlord’s jock son for a discount on my rent!’ Jason, why did you post this?” Dick demanded, barreling into Jason’s bed, waving his phone around like a maniac. Dick always ran a few degrees hotter than everybody else. He also always smelled really, really good. Which was the only reason why Jason had pressed his forehead against Dick’s chest and breathed in for a moment. It was weirdly comforting. 

Then he pulled away and scowled. “Don’t shit a brick, _Dick_. It’s a teaser vid, I blurred out our faces and I didn’t post it — just made a mock-up to sent to you. What do you think? Should we do it?”

“Are you suggesting we post amateur porn of ourselves on the Internet? Jason, that is…”

“You can’t say it’s out of character for either of us.”

There was something eerie about Dick when he was completely still. It was times like this that it was obvious that he could be Batman — for real, and forever. It was fucked up. Jason didn’t like to think about it. 

“I want masks,” Dick said.

“Of course you do,” Jason said with a smirk. He didn’t think he was really able to hide his relief, but that was OK.

**Author's Note:**

> \- I'll never accept or respect Ric Grayson. I haven't read a DC comic in a while but they tell me it's a thing now. Not in my heart though. Dick will always be Dick.
> 
> \- Even if Jason goes through with his threat to upload Dick's amateur pornos on Pornhub, of course it wouldn't be connected to his Nightwing identity, so the title is a total lie. Even so, no one but Tim Drake would ever be able to figure out the connection -- and Tim already knows -- so it's all fine here. Also, Tim would never let anyone see it. RIP to Pornhub that day until those files are scrubbed.


End file.
